Skip to content

Happy Anniversary

A Ragtag Daily Prompt

Photo by Jill Wellington on Pexels.com

Note: If you’ve read any of my previous posts you know that my ex-husband is not the only narcissistic relationship that I’ve been in. I seem to be attracted to narcissists. I’m not sure what that says about me bu I know it’s not healthy.

On our 19th anniversary, I knew it would be the last as I watched our marriage rapidly deteriorate. Leading up to our anniversary he barely talked to me. His frustration and internal seething could be felt in the stony silence between us. He was a master of the silent treatment.

This is typical behaviour of a covert narcissist, although not limited to narcissists alone. After meeting my husband, it was my mental health worker who mentioned to my psychologist that he was a narcissist.

I thought narcissists were in love with themselves, constantly preening in the bathroom mirror. It didn’t fit. It turns out that there is so much more to narcissism. While my ex-husband thinks highly of himself he wasn’t a preener.

His narcissistic tendencies were not the sole reason for our marriage breakdown. It takes two. If he was the master of the silent treatment I was skilled at passive aggression. Something I’m not proud of. We were locked in a toxic dance of marital death.

A couple of months after our anniversary, he said that he took his vows seriously, but he could no longer live with me. He was leaving for 6 months. He did not want me to contact him during that time.

He was gone for a couple of days when I felt I could breathe again. Before he left I would catch myself holding my breath and I had to tell myself to breathe. I didn’t realize that I had been walking on eggshells for a very long time. I knew I didn’t want him back.

After a couple of months of separation I emailed him and wanted to know why we were waiting for the inevitable. I had no idea what he was thinking or what he was planning. We were in limbo.

He didn’t respond. He took this as his opportunity to be the victim. He told family and friends that he lost his best friend and that I had ended the marriage. It was a heartbreaking and volatile time.

For 3 years we negotiated our separation agreement. Finally, we came to an agreement. With the separation agreement signed and the house sold, we went our separate ways.

The first anniversary after our separation was bittersweet. Bitter because I believed in marriage and thought ours would last a lifetime. The sweet was that this was the beginning of a new life, free from a toxicity. I faced a new life stronger for the challenges I had overcome.

It wasn’t a happily-ever-after anniversary, but I could see a better future on the horizon and I was good with that knowledge.

3 Comments Post a comment
  1. I think at some point, the situation becomes survival of the fittest. You gotta do what you gotta do–no matter what. But, you learned, and that is the great takeaway.

    Liked by 1 person

    April 15, 2020
  2. If you’re on Instagram, check out narc_proof_and_thriving It’s run by a friend of mine here in Australia who escaped a narcissistic relationship and is now…thriving! She offers sessions via video links, or you can just see what she posts each day. I’ve never been in a narcissistic relationship but I know she’s helped a lot of people. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    April 15, 2020
    • Thank you, Linda. I will definitely follow her. Even though these relationships are in the past I’ve learned a lot from videos and articles. It helps me understand how their minds work. I’m hoping these insights will show me why I’m attracted to these men and how I can change.

      Liked by 1 person

      April 15, 2020

Leave a Reply to lindakempwriter Cancel reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

bushboys world

Photos of my world and other stuff I hope you will enjoy too. Photos taken with Canon PowershotSX70HS Photos can be purchased.

Lluís Bussé

Barcelona's Multiverse | Art | Culture | Science

Reflections of An Untidy Mind

From the Existential to the Mundane - From Poetry to Prose

I'm a Writer, Yes, I Am!

Martha Ann Kennedy's Blog, Copyright 2013-2020, all rights reserved to the author/artist

. . .

love each other like you are the lyric and they are the music

Stine Writing

Poetry, Positivity, and Connecting!

smile each and every day

Tale of Net Cancer

The Art of Blogging

For bloggers who aspire to inspire

Creative writing studio

Think. Write. Repeat

The Boeskool

Jesus, Politics, and Bathroom Humor...

Poems & Prose

Self-Improvement Ideas From a Self-Identified Imperfectionist

Pointless Overthinking

Understanding ourselves and the world we live in.

Musings from Melbourne

A place where Linda brings out thoughts and stories within

The Truth for Kyle Brennan

Scientology & the Death of Kyle Brennan

lifelessons - a blog by Judy Dykstra-Brown

Reflections on Life through poetry, essays and photos

Purposeful Life Hacks

Proliferating messages on effectively conquering "life" with passion & purpose

Beautiful Photographs

Copyright reserved by author

The Bipolar Writer Mental Health Blog

A Collaborative Mental Health Blog

1kindness2day

thoughts from the little dot

%d bloggers like this: