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Posts tagged ‘Anxiety’

Not that Kind of Girl

A Ragtag Daily Word Prompt

Photo by Valeriia Miller on Pexels.com

Do you ever find yourself admiring someone else’s life and wishing it was yours and then realizing you really don’t want that life after all?

I have a friend who hosts dinner parties every weekend. I thought she had the greatest life and wished my life was a little like her’s. Then it dawned on me that while I liked the idea of having her life the reality is quite different.

Entertaining is not easy when you have social anxiety. My idea of socializing is to meet you for a coffee and chat for an hour. Then I go home and have a nap. Such is the life of a socially anxious introvert. I want to like the idea of entertaining, but honestly I’d rather go to my dentist for a root canal.

Lately, I’m clearing out the clutter in my home. I sort through my things asking myself if I’m going to use the item I pulled out from the back of my china cabinet. I usually think about it and put it back. It sits there until the next time I decide to declutter, pick it up, and put it back, again.

I have a beautiful crystal vase that was a wedding gift. It was rarely used and ironically has lasted longer than my marriage. Since moving out of the matrimonial home this vase has moved three times. It has never been used. It takes up valuable space in my 900 sq. ft. home.

Why is that I’ve never used it? I’m not that kind of girl. I love the idea of using a crystal vase, but I’m more of a mason-jar-vase person. I love the idea of fine china, yet I’m more of a paper plate gal. For years all I wanted was a waffle maker. I finally got one. It’s over ten years old and I’ve used it a handful of times. I keep it because you never know…

I see ads for skin care regimens and I think to myself, “Yes, I want a 10-step cleaning routine!” when really my idea of a skincare program is splashing my face with water and slapping on moisturizer.

I admire women with beautifully coiffed hair and impeccable makeup, yet my beauty routine consists of running a brush through my hair, pulling it into a ponytail and heading out the door without makeup.

I want to be a well-heeled fashionista when you’ll typically find me in jeans and a t-shirt. My lifestyle falls somewhere between low-maintenance and homeless.

After almost 60 years kicking around on this planet, I’ve discovered that I will never be my idea of an ideal woman. And I’m figuring out that I’m more than okay with not being that woman. What I’m not okay with is the stuff I keep in case I decide to finally become her.

So, as I declutter my home once again, I’m going to ask myself a different question. Does this vase reflect who I am and how I live? If the answer is no than out it goes. There is no space in my life or in my home for clutter that belongs to a woman I will never be.

What are you holding onto that you know you’ll never use? And why are you holding onto it?

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